Thursday, July 2, 2015

Yeah, I Just Never Thought

Yeah, I just never thought that these sentences would ever be HEARD, SPOKEN, let alone become COMMON in my life:

  • We'll just be out back testing these
    • smoke bombs; super-high-power-specialty GLOW sticks; gun sights; night vision goggles; you get the hint.
  • "What color smoke bombs do you think would be best?" 
    • FOR WHAT? "As SMOKE BOMBS, duh."  I mean: FOR WHAT PURPOSE are we choosing a smoke bomb color?? "For anything! Gawh! There are SO MANY REASONS smoke bombs come in handy!" [blank stare] "Red." "That's what I thought, too." 
  • Don't forget to check your craw-fish trap, son. 
  • Hey, Mom, did you see the tadpole farm today?
  • Be careful with that machete. Don't forget to clear the other side, too, though.
  • Oh look, the lawnmower is in the middle of the yard again. Do I hear the video games on?? Yes. Yes, I definitely do hear the video games....assholes. [Yes, spoken out loud to myself. while chuckling, of course.]
  • Ross broke it.
  • Ross fixed it. 
  • Ross broke it again. Ross needs your credit card one more time. Ross fixed it. 
  • Stop Bear, NO!
  • Make room for Jesus. Please don't have sex. No seriously, guys, please don't have sex. Scoot.over. Do you really have to sit that close? Hey guys, where are Emmo and Abz? Guys? Guys!? You're supposed to be Jesus! Go find them! Hand check! Hey guys, seriously, please don't have sex. "MOM!" "Sarah!" "OK!" "Mommmm!" Ok, ok, that's all, I'm done. Here's a condom: it's protection, not permission. [OK, honestly, the last one hasn't actually been said out loud.] 
  • Yeah, put that ladder in the back of that truck, that's a good idea!
  • BOOBS!
  • BALLS!
  • Hang on, let me get my waders on, I'll be right there.
  • Is the mail here? I ordered another gun part. Not yet, and I just checked because so did I.
  • Driver's training starts next week.  AND: Yes, Emerson, you have to go. What is WRONG with you? Don't you understand that a CAR is FREEDOM at your age?! I want you to go - get out there, be a teenager, have fun! You are a very responsible kid, you've earned the right to at least want a little freedom. And son, don't worry, I won't send you out into the world without adequate training. But, kiddo, that means we have to start.  You can do it, yes, you can pass the class, and we'll all help you: me, dad, Steph, Nate, ALL of your grandparents. No worries, wonderful son of mine, you got this, I believe in you. Let's go get you some freedom.
    • ............."OK....."
  • Nate, you do understand that is going to be a totally different conversation with the other one, right? "Totally."
I could go on. Maybe tomorrow I will because it's rather amusing to sit here and contemplate how amusing life is with the yahoos and a roommate/boyfriend and all of our various friends.  The house is rarely quiet, the entire place is always dirty, there is always a kid/dog/person underfoot and I motherfucking love it. It's a home - it's our home and everyone is welcome. 

Between the back-back, the yard, the side yard, the garage, the basement and all of our bedrooms, we all have enough space, and our own little areas that we crawl to when we do need quiet time or space to ourselves.  But hands down, all in all: you know you're doing ok when you're biggest concerns on a daily basis are just which hobby to do after work that day. (I mean, sometimes, I actually DO get overwhelmed: do I garden? mow the lawn? list more glass pieces? go shooting? visit gun stores to look for your parts? read? write?? 

And those are just my options when I DON'T have the kids. When I DO have them, it's a whole other, just as long, just as fun-sounding! 

So yeah, I think I'm doing ok. 

Just sayin'.  

Wednesday, July 1, 2015

Best Gratitude List Ever, Take Your Bullshit With You

I am going to do my own thing and disengage from your drama.

In fact, I am going to live my life as if your problems don't affect me. As it turns out, I can choose to not let them affect me, my life or my happiness. My boyfriend said this is true, so it must be.  Men always being right and all....

----- anywho ---------

I have a shit ton of great things in my life right now:

  • My yahoos are amazing, fun, loving, thoughtful and hysterical grown-ass boys. 
  • They make me learn about and play with a lot of cool new toys, too. See points below.
  • I have a new boyfriend, and if this one doesn't work, Ima move the NEXT friend in and date that one.  I don't even think I'll run out of friends, as this one may last a while. I really like him. He says I make him feel fuzzy and awkward. I was all like "awwwwwww, so sweet!" 
  • He's really fucking hot, and he thinks I'm really fucking hot. 
  • My guns. I KNOW, so weird, right? I've always been drawn to them, but there is just something about the precision, the mechanics, the art of it that I feel incapable of resisting. They are just so...gun-like. (eye roll, being guns and all, they're so gun-like. GREAT WRITING.)
  • My dirt bikes. Er, I mean, the kids' dirt bikes. Our lives - so different than our lives a year ago.  THIS is exactly what I was looking for, for them.  It does feel like I am living a dream...I love it, I love watching them ride and play.
  • My house, my yard, the back creek, the forts, the hammock, the gardens, the flowers, the endless grass to play on, ladder ball. baseballs, lawn chairs, soda cans, dandelions, one year olds, new friends, great music....
  • A KICK ASS CAREER.
  • A mostly amazing family :)
  • Did I mention my really hot boyfriend? Well, he loves me enough to look up extremely XXX rated videos on HIS phone, not mine, because I did NOT believe they existed but I really, really, really wanted to know for sure, yet was way too scared to use my laptop to thoroughly research, seriously, the curiosity was killing me. Yes, that's love, folks. (Ok, that one, I do sorta regret as there are indeed some things you just can't un-see.)
I'm happy, don't fuck with it, and get it together already.  OR leave me out of it.

Because tonight I just decided I am not dealing with your bullshit anymore. 

Just sayin'. 

Monday, June 22, 2015

My *why the media sucks* rant.

Warning: non-politically conforming rant follows. And I am only writing it down because I have been thinking a lot about it lately, and the easiest way to stop doing that is to write.

This Duggar thing is really bothering me.  I really wish the world would stop creating such a media frenzy every time a person of faith - no matter what it may be - and any small amount of fame proves to be imperfect. Why is it so much more fun to tear someone down who is trying to be a faithful leader than, say Robert Downey, Jr? Because it's all about the hypocrisy? Because a person who has made a mistake can't change and than preach their faith? Clearly it means they aren't a good person, clearly it mean they are evil.

Seriously, shut the fuck up.  Especially about this issue.  Why? Because - it bothers me - AM I THE ONLY PERSON WHO REMEMBERS BEING A NAIVE CHILD?  Seriously - I cannot be the only person on this planet who thinks that Josh Duggar was the oldest boy of young, inexperienced, parents in a family that expanded every single year and probably did what MILLIONS OF YOUNG CHILDREN/TEENS do all the time, every day, everywhere, OUT OF PURE HORMONAL CURIOSITY.

This story of the eldest Duggar molesting his younger sisters practically had atheists salivating at thought of the Duggars falling from grace, and that is just so sad.  The SISTERS are not traumatized, they are NOT defending out of family loyalty, I can guarantee it. I understand how they feel.  They didn't like something, they told their parents, the parents took steps to change things.  The sisters probably rarely thought about it after that.  This is what they are saying publicly, and this is why I believe them.
I REMEMBER THIS:

I don't know how old or young I was, but I do know from context that it was absolutely pre-5th grade, pre-sex ed, pre- any knowledge of *dirty* or *wrong* or *sex* or anything like that.  But old enough to remember everything - so somewhere around THAT age.

My parents had lots of friends that we visited all the time. My entire life, we were raised visiting their friends on a weekend night - the adults played cards, the kids played until bed time. We would go to bed, I would vaguely remember being carried to the car and going home - AWESOME AND FUN, AMAZING MEMORIES that I wouldn't trade for anything. I looked forward to these evenings and all of the adventures we would get into throughout my childhood.  Good times, really good times.

These were really good times, I had an amazing childhood.  Once, though, I got tired of having to sleep with one of my male cousins, though, because he always wanted to know what I looked like without my pajamas on.  It bothered me, I don't really know why, it bothered because it felt annoying.  I told my parents once, something like "I don't want to sleep on the floor with him anymore, he bothers me...." and they blew me off.  So the next time we went over there, I said something more like "I really don't want to sleep with him because he stays awake and I don't want to stay awake OR take off my pajamas."

BECAUSE THAT IS HOW I FELT. Just that simple, with no sarcasm or deliberate shock value (that I love to use TODAY), just back than, it was just a *this is irritating - I'd rather not* sort of feeling.

I never remember sleeping with a boy again - I didn't know it (LIKE, AT ALL) but apparently I'd reached an age, and so did the boys, where it was now time to sleep separately. What I don't remember is:

  • No one made a big deal of it.  So much so that I barely remembered this, until the Duggar thing happened, and in my brain, I went, "oh, pshaw, that sounds just like when I was little...."
  • No one was shamed, or screamed at.  I mean, literally - it was just like OK. Now we're older.
  • I don't remember any feelings of being scared, no one told me to keep a secret. No adult took advantage of me. Nothing traumatic, or unusual, or weird happened.  I was with someone MY age, and JUST as ignorant.  There was no criminal intent, I mean, I just don't remember even THINKING THAT.
  • I don't remember ever really thinking about it much after that, we had too many other adventures to dream up.  
I also remember FORCING my brother to pretend marry my real cousin, Janel, and MAKING them walk down *the aisle* and everything. And it was FUN!  Really, really fun.  Isn't that a normal manifestation of what we were developing into? Playing make believe?  I guess that was ok, because that was never ruled out.  But that's the thing - we relied on the adults to guide us and tell us what was acceptable.  That is what we are supposed to do. 

But - I guarantee someone out there is reading this and thinking I was the victim of sexual abuse.

Fuck that because that is totally discounting the real victims of real sexual abuse: abuse that is ignored, and ongoing, and terrible, and purposeful, and secretive, and destructive.  Every time a normal act is twisted to be something it isn't, the lines between right and wrong get blurry.  Grey areas are built, loopholes are found, precedents are set. And real bad people skate while people who drunkenly pee in public are on the sex offender's list. Things stop making sense actually. 

So why does this happen?  For entertainment? "Look at them fall?" 
*shaking my head* We are a gross society sometimes.  I like the people who stand up and say "Wait a second - that's not right." 

Like John Stewart the night he had Malala Yousafzai on.  He gave an amazing monologue about racism that I watched twice and thought: you rock. You're right, we suck, and we can be different. 

Just sayin'.