Early to bed..

Tonight I'm tired. And hurting. This divorce shit is hard, really, really hard.

I'm glad everyone told me it would be a roller coaster, but it doesn't seem to make things easier, knowing that it will be hard.

Oh well, I shall post again tomorrow. Hopefully it will be a better day.

Right?! Right. Of course.

Focus, Sarah.

Sorry, no pictures yet. Was hoping to get some, but since I didn't even so much as call or txt anyone to actually acquire them, I don't have any. Weird how much effort everything takes. *Sigh* I can't seem to focus very well.

So these are a few details, in random, unorganized disorder about my weekend:

• The most surprising thing about canoeing was the beauty of the river and the riverbanks while paddling to the beach. We saw a couple of really big turtles, too. It was simply breathtaking. And I was so obsessed with not drinking, that I didn't really realize it would be like that. Until we rounded that first bend. Then I was smitten.
• NOT drinking while on the canoe trip was also much, much easier than I had anticipated. I had the whole event built up in my head as a "drinking thing" that I would not enjoy as much as everyone else who can partake in alcoholic beverages as freely as they see fit.
• Turns out, it was just like being around them all while they are drinking here at the house. I'm pretty sure this was a "comfort zone" thing, and I am glad I didn't shirk out of it out of fear.
• Because living in fear sucks. Even though I'm very well practiced at it.
• Dh and I got along great and had a great weekend. But things here are getting a little rocky. We both have so many, well, *trust issues* (cannot decide whether to insert the word "obviously" or "understatement" here....).
• Today dh saw a family therapist. Next week, I go. Then after that we go to family counseling together. I plan on asking about the kids' counseling next week, too. If nothing else, this should help dh and I to at least stay friendly with each other. And maybe figure some shit out, too.
• I have the best neighbors in the entire the universe, and I want to send a big *Thank you very fucking much* to Jen and Jar for the great weekend at their cottage.
• Caseville is better than Port Austin. (These are two Michigan resort towns at the tip of the thumb that are about 15 miles apart.) Caseville is laid back, full of parties and fun people. Port Austin... well, it was pretty.
• I wish I'd had my camera with me to show you the beauty of Lake Huron in the summer. As each summer goes by, I can never seem to get enough. I love living on Anchor Bay (part of Lake St.Clair) but the Great Lakes simply cannot be beat.

Oh, and today, I retardly watched Friday the 13th. That shit is scary, people. Very, very scary. But I kept hoping it would get better *plot-wise*.

FYI: It didn't.

I FU%&ING DID IT.

This brat went canoeing. Yes, that's right, I said it:

CANOEING.

In a canoe. On a river. And I paddled. (You know, going there is fun and easy, paddling your lazy, tired, sunburnt ass back down the river is a B-I-T-C-H. With a capital Backache.

Anyways, trying to acquire the proof I know is out there and will post it as soon as I can. With more details of my trip tomorrow.

More Nonsense

Things about me you don't need to know:

• I'll be your friend if you call me pretty. Or hot. I know, it's kind of whore-y of me, but without the sex or the money...
• I have a weakness for sofas and beaches. They both have that "let's lay around and do nothing" quality that gets me every time.
• I don't work because I like money. Although I wouldn't work for no money. Hunh.
• I'm very comfortable with insanity. It definitely has it's perks. Too bad I'm not certifiable. Shut up. And stop laughing.
• I'm closer to my parents and my brother and sister than I ever thought I would be. And I like it just fine like that.
• My kids break my heart just by getting older.
• I'd be a much better poker player if I were more patient. I am firmly convinced that this is the key to winning nearly every single poker game ever played: Patience.
• Whenever I'm out doing something, I long for rest. Whenever I'm relaxing, I long to be doing something fun. It's a frustrating existence.
• Being smart has it's drawbacks. Have you ever noticed how many addicts or alcoholics have an above average intelligence? High IQ, no common sense. It's a conundrum.
• Sometimes, I wish I were smarter. I also wish I were better at focusing. And baking.
• I miss making jewelry. I miss my torch and my buffing wheel and the dirt and the grime. And the struggle, and the reward. I think I need to consider this more.

Ok. No more narcissism for tonight.

Vakays and Thoughts (Flash 55)

I am including my Friday Flash 55 at the end of this post since I'm heading North for the weekend.

To the beach, of course. Like I go anywhere else. Like I would want to go anywhere else. (Well, maybe a museum - that's about the only competition the beach has in my mind.)

I'm feeling a little less lost today. Maybe. How's that for a lack of commitment? Yeah, it's a new me. Sorry, I'm feeling a little ramble-y today. Maybe I need to reconsider that last "not so lost" proclamation.

I'm about to spend three solid days with my soon-to-be-ex-husband. I guess that's enough to throw anyone for a loop. But, I am hoping it will be good. Dh seems especially cranky today, I am imagine his mind is going in just as many directions as mine...

And on that note, I think I'll just post my 55 and be done with it. I'll miss you all, and I promise to post on Monday!

If you’re sick like me, you never get better. Your mind is warped and you’ll never see things the way they really are. Or maybe I have it all wrong, and people like us see things all too clearly. We just can’t cope because we see the truth. And we are just too sensitive. Maybe.