Monday, June 9, 2014

Quick Update

I am so excited that I literally have a migraine.  Or the lack of sleep is really getting to me.  And it isn't so much having my heart set on ONE house that is the issue - for I truly know how that works - if one house falls through, there is always another.  

But it's the extreme lack of patience in me that comes out in full force when I am ready to make a decision and I have to wait.

And wait. 

And wait.

Like, OK, if I can't afford the house that we picked and think is perfect, just tell us, so I can move on in the house hunting obsession (using the excuse of "I want to get the kids settled before school starts again" when it's really just me being very, very ....ummm, determined...)


We went in $15,000 under asking.  They countered with only $5000 more than that, agreed to the concessions and a one year home warranty (credit to having a smart Realtor on that one!  But Matt will be thrilled when I tell him that tidbit when he gets home tonight...)

We are accepting.  I mean, OF COURSE, we are accepting!  One acre lot, IN TOWN, where I love living so I can ride my bike everywhere, (Almont, by the way) my 100 year old house, completely renovated, right down to the foundation, windows, roof, higher ceilings and everything! 1500 square feet with 3 beds and 2 baths.  Because nothing is perfect, it doesn't have: a basement that can be finished (as in Michigan basement), an extra room for an office, it lacks closet space, but has storage areas in the basement and the garage.  There also isn't a sunroom or a pole barn. 

But the important things are there, and what's missing, we can build.  I think picking out a house with Matt was the best thing I could have done.  He kept me on track on what's important, and that is: the structure and building is completely renovated, unlike the other 100 year old homes.  It is way easier to ADD what is missing to something that is solid than renovate things that are falling apart.  There is a whole acre to work with, so we can make it what we want.

And although I won't have a separate office, we can add french doors to the dining room, making it more private from the living room when I want to work and they want to watch tv.  All the little compromises are things I can work with.  And having everything move-in ready means we don't have to do anything until we can afford to do anything.

There is still the long process of getting financing (going rural development means we will be at the mercy of the government and their oh-so-efficient time management skills....) complete and getting from here to closing with as little setbacks as possible, but I actually have faith.  AND my head knows I am not in a hurry - if the 45 day process takes 90 days, well that is six more weeks of saving money for the appliances it doesn't have.

I am so very very proud of myself for doing this.  I am so proud of the work it took to build my credit, consolidating my student loans that I thought would paralyze me for life, and building a career at the same company for 5 and a half years - getting myself to a point where I can buy a house on my own. (And am.) (I think the reasons here are obvious.)(I promised the boys I would do everything in my power to not move again - unless we had to rent for one more year - the house we would get would be one we could stay in until THEY are ready to leave.  But no one but a bank will have the power to make us move again.....)

But although I CAN do this by myself, I am not truly doing it by myself.  Matt and I are doing this together, if not technically, than in spirit.  We are going to build a life together in this house.  We are going to be old cranky people sitting in our rocking chairs on the beautiful front porch yelling at kids to stay off our grass together.  I can see it.

One day I will be ready to be more than facebook married, but until, we are together.  And we are starting fresh in a new town, in an environment completely new and foreign to both me and my boys.  I am excited that I have the opportunity to move them a little more north and show them a different way of life - a country way of life.  I am excited to give them the biggest yard they've ever had with room to explore, trees to climb, ravines to roam.  

I might even get some free range chickens.

THAT is a whole different story.........fuckin Matt.

Just sayin'. 

Sunday, June 1, 2014

My Whirlwind Weekend

Thank you dearly for your email, I read it while with my Dad at the Detroit Grand Prix.  I will write a reply as soon as I officially apply for a mortgage - which I NEED to do tomorrow!
I love you more and more as the years go by.  Thank you for being my writing dad.

But enough about you.
(Inside joke between Bump and I: there is NEVER enough about me!  I am just THAT interesting and you OBVIOUSLY want to hear everything I have to say about my selfish self! If not, it's clearly you, not me.)
Ok, that sentence is dripping with sarcasm, but it is frightening close to the truth.  Not that I WANT to be that way, but, well.....progress, not perfection.
Did you say something?  I wasn't listening.

(Also, Emerson's belated birthday letter will be forthcoming soon.) (I don't want to rush it, and today I am typing as I think.)


HOLY SHIT and AWESOME SAUCE! (Goddamn kids have me saying that from that stupid Discover commercial.)

Despite having to beg and plead, sell a kid, and trade a kidney, the efforts put into obtaining 3 tickets to the Detroit Grand Prix with Chalet access and VIP treatment all the way WAS ABSOLUTELY WORTH IT!!! Awesome, endless food and drinks, track side seating so close you were sprayed with tire debris as the cars went by, shaded, comfortable seating, REAL restrooms, you name it, we had it - I decided I should live like that all the time.

It was, by far, one of the MOST AMAZING days I have had in a few years.  Relaxing, worry free, fun and exciting!  To top off The Awesome, I had lunch with the PRESIDENT of the state/region for my bank!!!  I introduced him to TWO prospective clients!!  I chitchatted like *of course I talk to you all the time, and oh, let me introduce you to the clients I am entertaining.* To be honest, to remain calm and MATURE during these MOST exceptional times took EVERY BIT OF RESTRAINT in my body.

I did not jump up and down, or hyper ventilate, or giggle uncontrollably like I wanted to.  NOPE.  Ok, maybe I did a little when THE MAN wasn't around, and MAYBE I told the caterer "OMG, this is the most amazing thing that has ever happened to me in my career.  OMG.  I'm here.  OMG, you must be used to people who think this is normal, I'm not one of them. OMG - I JUST HAD LUNCH WITH MY BOSS!!! MY MAJORLY IMPORTANT BOSS!!" and
"Ok, I don't why I'm telling you this."

But she seemed amused and liked that I was a real person not pretending that VIP was normal.  BECAUSE IT'S NOT - THAT IS NOT HOW REAL PEOPLE LIVE. But is was damn fine and damn fun for the day.

My guilt level at living so large on Emerson's birthday was squashed only by the fact that he wanted to spend the day with his dad, at the Doyle's side birthday party.  So I was free to not feel conflicted.  It was just an amazing, carefree, successful, awesome sauce day.

The fact that I came home to a piss drunk husband was the icing on the cake.

Matt doesn't drink much around me.  He was more than happy to have the afternoon to himself.  He is a happy drunk, but a bit of an over-poster on The Facebook when drunk.  I was torn between amusement and fear of the next post.  Amusement won over and we laughed most of the evening - when he finally stopped slurring his words, that is.  When I FIRST got home, he tried to act all natural, but after I couldn't understand the words he was saying, I finally just said "OMG, are you drunk?"

"I might be.  I might be...a tadddddd.....dddrrrunk."
"Yeeeeeeeahhhhhhh, I sink ima lil deeeeerunk."

"Did you a have a good afternoon?"

"Oh yeaaaaaahhhhhhhh.  I went to da pool an' I was called HANSUMMMM."

Laughing my motherfucking ass off, I asked him if it was by an old lady.  "Maaaaaaybe."
I love that goofball.

House Hunting.  We will find one, of that I am sure.  All damn day.  House to house.  ONE will be the one, I just know it.  Somewhere between Romeo and Imlay City, there is a place for us.

We will find it. And I need to get my official financing in place so that when we find it, we will be ready to place that offer.

Other than that, we did 7 loads of laundry. Today.  At the laundromat. That is what happens when you miss a week.

Pictures of the race will be posted soon!
Happy Sunday night everyone!
Just sayin'.

Friday, May 30, 2014

Writing and Gratitude - Sure Fire Ways to Help Myself Out of a Funk.

I am going to force myself to write more - period.

I wrote last night's post late, when I couldn't sleep.  I reread it this morning and it made me sad how accurately I described my feelings. I know I probably wrote things that people may take personally, and I regret that.  But I only know how to be me and I only know how to write honestly.

Yes, I know how and when not to publish, and yes, I consider myself a work in progress, so I want to continue to learn and grow as a person.  I've always wanted that - some lessons are easier than others, and I guess I am at a point in my life where I am questioning a lot things about myself.

Things like: how do I make myself and my thoughts known in a better way if my way isn't working? Is it me that needs to change things, or am I overthinking this aspect?  Am I truly doing enough to communicate the love I have for my family?  How does one balance things when so many changes occur - like, work, family, death, friends, success, loss, ETC??

Motherfucking etc.

BUT - on a brighter note - I DO feel better tonight than last.  Why?  Simply because I opened my laptop and wrote again.  I feel more loss than I can explain when I eye my computer and shove it under the sofa.  It's my own personal *head in the sand* move and it makes me feel like a coward.

I guess I feel braver and stronger when I put my thoughts and feelings into words.  I've known this for a long time so when I don't, it does indeed make me feel like a coward.

I am going to write more - I just will.  It has proven to always be the first step to regaining serenity.

And thank you, God, for always listening.  And thank you, readers, for always supporting me.


Just sayin'.